


Padawan

by Fandom_Trash224



Series: Harrna Shuchi and the 473rd [5]
Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Master & Padawan Relationship(s), discussions of unhealthy jedi stuff, hi today on my characters deserve better: this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2019-07-07
Packaged: 2020-06-23 17:46:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19706353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fandom_Trash224/pseuds/Fandom_Trash224
Summary: Eileena gets hurt, and her confusion about how things are run in 473rd gets the better of her.





	Padawan

“You can’t sleep yet, kid, I need you to stay awake.”

Eileena’s head swam, and she was whimpering in a way that was unbecoming for a Jedi. The sergeant’s voice was low, a soft but insistent whisper, but it felt like he was hammering a nail into her already pounding head. 

She couldn’t remember what happened to cause the headache, or the large gash in her side, or even where she was, so she had  _ no  _ idea why she needed to stay awake.

“‘M tired…” She muttered as the darkness threatened to overtake her. Tin placed a hand on her arm, gripping tight and shaking her back awake. She whined again, attempting to slap his hand away, but only managing a light tap.

“I know, kid, but you can’t sleep yet. Harrna’s on her way with Stutter. Once they’re here and say you’re okay, you can sleep. Until then,  _ stay awake _ .”

Through her sleepy delirium, Eileena could feel the desperate edge to Tin’s words, the way his grip tightened ever so slightly, the way his very soul seemed to be shaking in fear for her life. She reached out a bit further, and was instantly greeted by Flowers’ presence, warmth tinted with concern. His legs were the solid surface that she was laying on, and she felt a pair of gloves hands be placed on either side of her head as she finally opened her eyes. 

Two near-identical faces, a third one covered by a helmet, stared down at her in concern: Tin, Flowers, and Cam (who, judging by the small red dot that glowed on his helmet, was recording this interaction). 

Flowers offered a tense smile as Tin furrowed his brow in concern. Cam’s expression was hidden by his helmet, but his worry was palpable through the Force. Eileena returned Flowers’ smile, but cringed when she felt a gash on her lip tear further open with the action.

“Easy commander,” Cam said, placing a shaking hand onto the flat part of her upper chest “Explosion was pretty nasty. If you weren’t a Jedi…” 

“Not a Jedi…” Eileena muttered “Not yet…”

It wasn’t that important of a distinction to most, but it was to Eileena. Even in her state of mind, she knew she wasn’t a full Jedi yet, that, being 17, she had a few years to go. She was only a padawan, only a child, and her master was not with her.

“Where’s Master Shuchi?” She slurred, her attempt to sit up being thwarted by the still-trembling hand on her chest.

“She’s on her way, sir,” Flowers’ voice was trembling almost as bad as Cam’s hand “Just hold on. Stay awake. Keep talking.”

“About what?”

“Anything. The Force, the Jedi Order, anything you want to talk about.”

Eileena blinked slowly, staring up at the sky behind the three clones. Despite the lighting around them, the stars in the sky were blazing bright. Constellations twinkled and danced, though part of Eileena knew that it was only because of whatever head injury she had sustained. 

“You can see the Kuna constellation from here…” Eileena muttered, her brown eyes zeroing in on the familiar pattern with ease, her hand lazily drifting up to point out the stars “There’s Kuna’s tail, and Kuna’s horn, the tooth, the fist, and, of course, Kuna’s eye.”

“Well I’ll be,” Tin muttered “There it is. Any more you can see from here?”

She continued to point out stars and constellations, her hand heavy and head spinning so much that she was sure she wasn’t pointing properly, but the three of them kept nodding and prodding her forward. It felt like hours, just lying there with the three clone troopers, pointing out one of her favorite subjects of study. By the time Harrna and the others arrived, Eileena had run out of stars and constellations she could see, and had begun simply naming and describing them to the troopers that were taking care of her.

(:)

Eileena didn’t remember falling into the healing trance, but when she woke from it, Flowers was sitting by her bed, head drooped forward as he slept in the chair. She smiled softly at the trooper that was meant to be keeping watch, and slowly reached out to him with the Force.

He jolted awake with a snort, and looked around frantically before his dark gold eyes landed on Eileena. He broke out into a relieved smile (one that reminded her heavily of her master), turning his whole body face the padawan.

“You’re awake,” He said “That’s good. General Shuchi said that once you woke up, you were in the clear.”

“Healing trances. Have to love them.” Eileena grinned tiredly, and reached out to Flowers with the Force again, brushing up against him. Her grin faded when she felt his discomfort, barely palpable behind his mental shielding, but there nonetheless. He also felt  _ exhausted _ , and Eileena couldn’t help but wonder if she had just interrupted the only sleep he had gotten since she was injured.

She must’ve been projecting that, because Flowers’ presence withdrew further into himself as he shifted uncomfortably.

“I’m alright, sir. Once Stutter comes by to clear you, I’ll go get some rest.” He said quietly, and Eileena didn’t believe him one bit.

“Flowers--” She began, but was interrupted when Harrna entered the medbay, a bright, relieved smile on her face. The same tiredness Flowers had wore at the edges of her eyes, though, and Eileena wondered if  _ she _ had gotten any sleep either. 

“You’re awake,” Harrna began, taking a chair from one of the empty beds and sitting beside Flowers “How’re you feeling?”

Eileena opened her mouth to reply, but then closed it again, looking over Flowers and her master critically. It was obvious they almost giddy with relief at her waking up, but it was the tired, concerned relief that Eileena had often seen back when she and her old master had gone on aide missions. She or Master Gunn would find a child, or a sibling, or an old friend or spouse of someone, and upon being reunited, they would share that expression.

It was an expression of a shared ordeal, one finally  _ over _ , one that told the receiver that  _ yes, I know, I love you and I was so worried, but it’s over and we’re safe _ . It was shared amongst clones, and even some natural born officers. It made Eileena recall the time that she and her master had been trapped after an earthquake, separated but within the reach of the Force. They had crawled their way to freedom, her master encouraging her the whole time, pushing her forward until they broke into the open air. She had only been 11 at the time, new to being a padawan to Master Gunn, and she hadn’t known any better when she had given him that same expression, moving to go hug him. He had gently pulled her off of him, kneeling down to her height with a very serious expression (one she had come to associate with his teachings).

_ “Eileena, I understand that you are young, and perhaps things worked differently in the creche, but this is the beginning of your real Jedi training. Your first lesson: Jedi do not make attachments. Not to their masters, not to lovers, even friends must be held at an arms length if you are to ever become a truly great Jedi. Attachments can lead to emotions like hate, jealousy, and other unsavory passions. You must avoid these emotions as best as you can, so you must avoid attachments. Am I understood?” _

Eileena was only 11, so she knew her master was the right one. 

_ “Yes, master.” _

“Eileena?” Harrna’s concerned voice cut through Eileena’s reminiscing, more than likely feeling the deep ache of the old wound where Master Gunn’s bond with her had been through their own, still fresh, padawan bond “Are you alright?”

_ Yes, master. _

“No, master,” Eileena said, sitting up with effort, wincing at leftover muscle soreness from her injuries “I’m not.” 

Harrna and Flowers combined wave of concern did nothing to assuage Eileena’s rising… annoyance? Anger? Confusion? Whatever it was, it was rising fast, and Eileena didn’t have it in her to stop it. 

“What’s wrong? Are you in pain? Is it--”

“ _ Stop it _ ,” Eileena said, her voice firmer than it had been in a  _ very _ long time “Just, stop it. With all due respect, this isn’t how a Jedi should behave, Master Shuchi.”

“Excuse me?” Harrna asked, sounding more confused than angry, which surprised Eileena somewhat. Whenever she had tried to correct Master Gunn, he got angry with her, said that  _ he _ was the  _ master _ ,  _ he _ passed his trials. He knew what he was doing. 

Maybe Harrna just…  _ didn’t _ .

“A Jedi Master is supposed to be a teacher to the padawan, nothing more, nothing less. A Jedi isn’t supposed to make attachments, and yet I’m fairly sure you’re attached to just about every member of the 473rd in some way. You bend rules, sometimes outright break them. You take bits and pieces of the Jedi Code that you like, and throw out the rest. You’re a Jedi  _ Master _ , you’re  _ supposed  _ to know what you’re doing! And yet here you are, with me, a padawan in need of guidance because her last master died nearly half a galaxy away from her and she doesn’t know how to feel about it, and you’re acting like-- like everything is  _ fine _ ! Like this is how Jedi and their troops are meant to behave! But it’s not!”

Eileena hadn’t noticed she was raising her voice until she practically shouted the last word, tears overflowing onto her pale cheeks and burning paths onto them. Eileena glanced over to her master, who looked absolutely  _ stricken _ . Even Flowers looked taken aback. Eileena looked back down at her lap, fiddling with her blonde padawan braid with one hand.

“They’re not supposed to  _ care _ this much.”

There was silence for nearly a whole minute after that, Eileena counted the seconds in her head, ashamed at her outburst but unable to find it in herself to apologize to the pair for it. Her cheeks burned, and the tears continued to roll silently down her cheeks as she sat there. She braced herself for the lecture that was undoubtedly about to happen, about how questioning a master’s methods was a bad idea, how it promoted dissent, all that stuff. 

The lecture never came. Instead, a single dark-skinned hand came up to cup Eileena’s cheek, gently making her look at Harrna’s face again. She only showed concern, and, out of the corner of her eye, she could see Flowers had the same expression

“Is that what he taught you?” Harrna asked softly “That the Jedi are uncaring? That they do what do only out of a sense of duty to the light? To The Republic?”

Eileena found it hard to speak past the lump forming in her throat as she nodded softly. 

“How--”

“He was wrong, Eileena.”

Eileena blinked, and it was her turn to be taken aback.

“ _ What _ ?”

“I know I’m not exactly a model Jedi, but I know when someone is teaching their padawan the wrong thing. The  _ unhealthy _ version of the Jedi Code that’s become so widespread, it’s practically an epidemic. Eileena, Master Gunn was  _ wrong  _ to teach you this way. It’s  _ okay _ to care, to  _ feel _ . You just can’t allow your negative feelings to control you and warp your view of the world. At least, that’s what I believe.”

“But… I don’t understand…” Eileena said softly, barely a whisper. She felt Flowers reach out to her in the Force, a comforting gesture, one she greatly appreciated.

“That’s okay, padawan o’ mine. It’s true, we’re pretty… unorthodox here, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. To be different. We’re all different, that’s just how people are. Change also tends to be hard for many people,” Harrna moved her hand from Eileena’s cheek, slowly taking hold of one of Eileena’s hands “Take the time you need to adjust, don’t try to soldier through it. I care about you, padawan, that’s not going to change anytime soon, I’m afraid.”

“I’m not gonna stop caring about you either, sir,” Flowers said, smiling slightly “I’m afraid you’re stuck with it.”

Eileena didn’t even stop herself from burying her face into her new master’s shoulder, sobbing softly as Flowers rubbed her shoulder. 

**Author's Note:**

> ANYWHO jedi code man. keeps me up at night. i was gonna write something else with eileena, but the muse wouldn't come to me, but i found this super old draft in my docs, figured why not post it.
> 
> star wars tumblr: clonesdeservebetter.tumblr.com


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